Roadmap for couples

Emotionally Focused Therapy follows three distinct periods during therapeutic work with couples:

  • Reducing the intensity of interaction.
  • Increasing the ability to heal and reconnect.
  • Protecting the relationship and each partner from future distress.

Couples seeking help from an EFT therapist typically experience unpleasant interactions. Each person may have strong opinions about who or what is to blame and how to fix it. Each period of EFT work helps each partner tune into the other partner and accept them just the way they are. 

Beginning: Reducing the intensity of interactions

An Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to stop repetitive hurtful conversations and behaviors by assisting each of them to:

    • Express their main concerns without blaming, criticizing, or judging anyone. 
    • Identify automatic behaviors that contribute to relationship distress.
    • Explore internal worries and scary emotions that contribute to hurtful interactions.
    • Uncover longings for each other and desire to be connected, intimate and loving. 

Middle: Increasing the ability to heal and reconnect.

The Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to explore ways to recover from hurtful interactions and to keep them from inflicting deep relationship wounds by assisting each of them to:

    • Express their hidden emotions, needs, and desires, especially those they are worried about sharing.
    • Practice acceptance and compassion for themselves and their partner.
    • Learn how to share feelings, emotional and physical needs, and desires safely.

Ending: Protecting the relationship and partner from future distress.

The Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to learn how to:

    • Use experience gained in therapy to find new solutions to old problems.
    • Develop a new paradigm of interacting that keeps the relationship emotionally safe.
    • Introduce rituals that attend to your partner’s need for love, care, support, and acceptance.
    • Find ways to nourish your relationship for years to come. 

There comes a time in Emotionally Focused Therapy when you say goodbye to your therapist as you can manage the relationship’s ups and downs. With all the experience and knowledge you gained, there will be a time that your relationship may need some help. That is a time to reach out to your Emotionally Focused Therapist and do a quick tune-up for lifelong fulfillment. 

understanding motionally focused therapy